The Parts of Yourself You Avoid Become the Patterns You Lead With

There’s a quiet truth I’ve seen in every level of leadership: the emotions, fears, insecurities, and unresolved stories you avoid don’t disappear — they simply show up in your leadership.

Avoidance becomes a pattern.

A leader who avoids conflict creates a culture of silence.
A leader who avoids their own insecurity creates a culture of competition.
A leader who avoids emotional truth creates a culture of fear.
A leader who avoids accountability creates a culture of inconsistency.

You don’t have to announce your inner battles.
People feel them.

And your team, your board, your volunteers, your clients — they all adjust their behavior around the places you refuse to face within yourself.

One leader avoids being disliked, so decisions become watered down.
Another avoids feeling inadequate, so they micromanage everything.
Another avoids vulnerability, so communication becomes guarded and cold.

Your avoidance becomes the organization’s atmosphere.

But here’s the hopeful side: the moment you stop avoiding yourself, your leadership breaks open. Self-awareness becomes a strength, not a liability. Honesty becomes your leadership style. Courage becomes your culture.

Leaders who do the inner work lead differently.
They move differently.
They hear differently.
They make decisions from clarity instead of fear.

When you transform the patterns within yourself, you transform the patterns within your culture — whether it’s a company, a nonprofit, a ministry, or a movement.

If you want to build a culture that reflects your best, not your hidden battles, explore my book, The Making of a Strong Culture: Intentional Organizations